Patchwork Heroes Review

            Like all the portable games I play these days, this one was played almost exclusively during my lunch break at work in a small room with several people staring at me, wondering why a grown man enjoys lunchables and videogames so much. And like Bangai-O Spirits before it, it has become something of an institution for me. I played it almost every week day for like 30-40 minutes for over a month. And in this case, I played it for 30 hours. That's a lot. 

            Patchwork Heroes is a 2d game in which you and a small crew must crawl around on a giant flying airship. Your objective is to saw it to pieces until you get it very small, causing it to crash. You must do this before time runs out and it gets to your village and bombs it HARD. You crawl around on the ship with the analog nub or the arrows. L makes the view zoom out as long as it is held down. You will usually need to switch between this zoomed-out view and the normal view quite frequently to keep an eye on your surroundings. Holding down circle makes you saw. While sawing, you move slowly. If you separate a piece of the ship completely, the smaller part falls away, so ideally you want to chop whatever is left of the ship in half to get rid of the most at once (although this is almost never possible once you get into later levels. I'll explain why soon). The bigger the piece of warship you chop off, the longer the airship will temporarily stall, which freezes the countdown timer. Pressing square makes one of your squad members stay in place with a bomb that will go off in a few seconds (they parachute away as the explosion goes off). This is useful for taking out areas that are reinforced metal, which you can't saw through. However, each member of your squad also acts as a hit point, so you must be aware that you are trading a hit point for an explosion. You can have up to four people on your squad. You usually start a stage with a few and can also rescue others who are trapped in prison cells on the airships.

               Guarding each level are robotic defenses. These range from stationary missile turrets to insect-like robots that chase you. Each robot has a different AI routine. Some chase you down mercilessly. Others move in a set pattern. Others only attack while you are sawing, or when you aren't sawing. There is quite a variety, and there are usually quite a few in each level. You can block enemy attacks by hiding behind a shield by holding R. You can do this indefinitely, but the clock is always ticking... Surprisingly, you can't directly attack enemies. The only way to kill them is to saw them off with the piece of ship they are standing on or  trap them in the blast of a bomb. Killing enemies fills up your mojo meter. If you have any mojo, you can press triangle to activate a mojo attack. While you are in this state, the mojo meter drains rapidly. You run quite fast, sawing as you go, and you can saw through reinforced metal in this state. You are a little hard to steer, though, as you are propelled forward without stopping and have to take big wide turns instead of sharp ones. You can often try to set yourself up for a mojo attack that chops the ship in half, which in turn nets you lots more mojo so you can go and try to repeat the feat. 

             This all might sound somewhat basic. It's easy to understand, but the game really sets itself apart with its incredibly clever level design. Once you get a few levels in, the design of each ship is really, really smart. There are some that are very complex and interlinked in many ways, almost like a little maze. Others seem basic but have different sections connected in multiple little walkways that all need to be cut. Others seem straigh forward until you see the little bits of reinforced metal you have to find a way to deal with. Many also featuring strategically placed enemies that chase down and repair any cuts you make in the ship. Many levels also feature objectives you must complete, such as saving prisoners with time-bombs on them or not chopping off a certain part of the ship, or using timefreeze power-ups and stalls to complete a level with only 5 seconds on the clock. All these levels are quite different from each other, but they are all very efficient at making your task of slicing the ship anything but straightforward. You need a plan in order to chop that thing up in time, especially if you want to rescue all the optional prisoners as well.

            There are many levels. I played all 30 story levels and all 50 challenge mode levels on normal and pro difficulty levels. That's 160 levels played, and I was having a blast all the way to the end. It's quite challenging even on normal mode, and pro mode makes everything move maybe 2-3 times as fast, which is hilarious and makes even basic enemies very deadly. Challenge mode, which gives you alternate win conditions such as winning without sawing, or without bombs, or any number of other conditions, gets really out of control toward the end. It's quite challenging but so engaging that you won't mind re-trying its hardest levels 20 times.

            The game also has a great art design, nice music, and a cool story. The art looks like Russian steam-punk or something. The airships look like giant quilts. The menus are all animated tube screens, mechanical gears and gadgets, and projections. There are also little mechanically animated dolls all over the place in the menus. It's all in nice dull colors. The music is also great. There is a lot of horn and woodwind work that fits perfectly with the visuals and is a nice change as you usually don't hear that kind of stuff featured so prominently in a videogame. The story focuses on a captain in the airship fighting squad named Titori, the missions he and his friends undertake to defend their home town from the airships, and the things that start to come to light about the airships when he meets Asli, a young woman who joins his community and starts to ask him to retrieve airship parts for her while he is out sawing airships. This story starts out pretty strongly, and I had high hopes for it, but it doesn't finish as strongly as I would have liked. It's still pretty solid though, and also adorable.

            The game has a strong sense of theme to it in the way it does many different things. For instance, each time a squad-mate dies, the screen temporarily freezes and their name and age pops up on the screen along with the word “dead.” It's kind of heart breaking, especially since these people end up in a graveyard that you can visit between levels. You can even think of them fondly and place flowers on their graves. The game also encourages you to try and save as many prisoners as possible for moral reasons. Characters say thing like “You wouldn't leave them behind, would you?” Each person you rescue (and there are a few hundred) has a little write-up about them and a unique portrait. You also get a nice sense of progression as each mission earns you pay depending on your performance, and you increase in rank after you get paid a certain amount. Rank increases usually unlock bonuses, like songs to listen to or special cutscenes and even a gallery with 99 wonderful pieces of concept art. Even when you don't earn a rank-up or reward, the game will comment on big accomplishments, such as congratulating you on beating story mode or challenge mode on pro, or completing the game having rescued every prisoner. Unfortunately this is one of those games where you need to have played the game on every difficulty for your save to read 100%. Not a big deal, but it bothers me a little that after playing on the normal and pro difficulties, I would still need to play every stage on easy and hard to get to 100%. I'm not going to do that. I wish beating a stage on pro made it count as if you've beaten it on every difficulty.

            It's hard to think of any flaws in Patchwork Heroes. I'm not sure there really are any. I don't think I'll give it a perfect score, but it certainly flirts with it. It might be there if the story took a little different direction and had a stronger conclusion. The game's simple concept mixed with its smart implementation and scenario design and wonderful aesthetics make it great fun for the long haul. It's a great game, tier 2.

Game Cube Bucket List

     So I made a GameCube bucket list. According to this list, my GameCube may have already kicked the bucket. I'm putting all of these games down as maybes since there is a very good chance I won't, ever fire that thing up again. But hey, I just might.

Chaos field – cool shmup – looks good

Metroid Prime

Odama

Chibi Robo – looks ok

PS3 Bucket List 8/12/14 Update

     So I've changed up my bucket list quite a bit, so I figured I would update it. It now includes PS1 games, since they are playable on PS3. You'll see sprnkling of them them peppered around by genre. I've also removed from the list any games I am positive I don't want to play but were still on there. I've also removed the handful of games I've played since my last update. Finally, they are grouped more accurately in each genre by the amount of interest I have in them. Green means "must play." Yellow means "I might play it or I might not." Red means "There is only the slightest chance I might play it." Blue means that it is a multiplayer only game that I want to play if I find someone to play with or the means to play. I am still very excited to play all of these games over the next few years! Can't wait! Enjoy!

Non – Games

Flow – beautiful non game – disc version with flower and Journey – will flow's dlc still work?

flower

Proteus – explorer non game

noby noby boy

minecraft

Journey

linger in shadows cool interactive art

Undergarden – ecco like exploring

doki doki universe – scribblenauts + personality quizzes? Retro Genesis Collection – Jeremy owns this Tower Defense Sanctum 2 - 1st person tower defense – cool castle storm – td with action parts – looks cool – avoid queen dlc though vector td tower defense mini cool look field runners comet crash TD with offensive component Pixel Junk MonstersPS3 version – tower defense core blaster – puzzley tower defense Defense Technica – generic sci-fi tower defense, can block paths Arkanoid BreakQuest 2 magic orbz Horror lone survivor – 2d pixel horror hysteria project 1 and 2 Siren: blood curse – doesn't look great, little girl level looks cool, see through enemies' eyes Dead Space – 1 &2, 3 has salacious posters, peng Open World Simpsons - looks cool – open world Bionic Commando – if no other cool open world swinging games – not really open world Prototype 2 2d ship shooter sine mora +? Luftrausers – 2d plane fighting, looks awesome astro tripper whos that flying -2d ship shooter flying hamster – 2d ship shooter red star – shooter and beat em up Titan Attacks – space invaders, but looks fun – short though pixeljunk sidescroller pixel junk shooter 1 and 2 jetpack joyride – more like a shooter Einhander – if I can get it cheap G Darius – 2d shooter that looks AMAZING Thunder force V – cool but basic shooter soldner x2 final prototype  if I liked the first Microbot – twin stick with traveling in human body beat hazard – twin stick – uses your music to generate level Ray storm and Ray crisis – shmups with cool locking on mechanic galaga legions DX – more like a twin stick ion assault – twin stick, doesn't look too good sky fighter – 2d dogfighting like rocketbirds parts mini squadron – rocketbirds like 2d Platformer rocket birds Rogue Legacy – looks amazing 2d adventures octopus Guacamelee Thexder neo – 2d transforming robot – cool crescent pale mist – cool 2d sidescroller Klonoa – 2d platformer ghosts and goblins – the old arcade one, looks awesom black knight sword – bloody platformer Wolf fang – 2d mech game, PS1, sprites, fast paced, LOOKS AMAZING! cloudberry kingdom – hardcore platformer gunstar heroes  rocket knight magician lord – Altered Beast like old game Explodemon – MegaMan like guy who explodes pix'n love rush – platformer with retro skins hard corps – contra like heart of darkness – awesome cinematic platformer Scarygirl – the mini looks ok, 2d platformer – ps3 version doesn't look great spelunker hd sound shapes – musical platformer giana sisters – 2d plat mr. driller – fast paced ps1 dig dug super motherload – drilling down 2d Lode Runner – old school puzzle platformer, looks cool – there is a version with 2 games in it Silhouette Mirage! skull monkeys – cool claymation platformer Pixel Junk Eden – look for bundle young thor Megaman 9 and 10 terrover panda craze Tomba – use a walkthrough alien spidy – hard speed runney platformer mutant mudds – 2d platformer Ninjamurai – runner + shinobi tales from space: about a blob – short 2d platformer rushn attack – stealth 2d platformer pow EWJ2 – if I can get it cheap fancy pants – 2d platformer bonk's adventure – old platformer cave man duck tales – platformer castle of illusion – mickey platformer dust force – hard platformer – looks ok derrick deathfin like ecco but a race – looks ok moon diver – strider like Weird Minis idiot squad – sheep follow tiles you lay wackylands boss alien havoc coconut dodge duael invaders – 2 invaders at once, control both floating cloud god Kaleidescope – trippy mini games Hungry Giraffe – like coconut dodge – cool blimp age of hammer wars arcade essentials – to try q bert clone Evolution has asteroids, frogger, and cave gravity flyer paper wars – tank in a corner run ghost run – clone of shooting bubble split games me monstar – monster fighting running around – cool graphics beam em up Speedball – future sports – looks not great normal tanks aero racer Love Cupid – shoot and catch hearts Puzzle platformer the swapper – cool game, make clones, ingenious puzzles like Braid limbo abe's exoddus – abe box? widget's odyssey 1 and 2 – platformer with cutscenes Fez archibald's adventures – cool puzzle platformer Edge – block roller – really cool – puzzle platformer brothers Portal munch's odyssey Thomas was alone – dlc if I like it do not fall – puzzle platformer – fast stealth inc – puzzle plat Magrunner – portal clone w/cthulu themes Vessel – cool puzzle plat – lead creatures around with cool ai Quantum conundrum 2 dlc packs Constant C – gravity and time manipulator Kahoots – puzzle platformer? A-men 1-2 military puzzle platformer Pid – cool puzzle plat revoltin youth puzzle platformer 2/ great soundtrack sideway ny – puzzle platformer Rain – stealth/puzzle Warp – puzzle teleporting – not super great Pallurikio – weird puzzle platformer Swarm – play as tons of blue guys who die, platformer Lemmings – looks ok Snowy – puzzle platformer Valiant Hearts – not that great looking Master Reboot - 1st person puzzle explorer Funky lab rat stick it to the man – puzzle platformer – not great ethan meteor hunter puzzle plat with tele like funky lab rat – doesn't look as good though Strategy Battle Hunter – very cool , very different tactical rpg mecho wars akimi village- non violent rts – short first queen iv – rpg/rts – in japanese, but looks cool battle of tiles – strategy – no info – awesome stormrise rts commanded from troop level – supposed to be bad, but looks cool x com enemy unknown within gene mods screen is salacious planets under attack – galcon labsish Eufloria – like galcon rock of ages – roll rock down a mountain carnage heart – if I like psp version Syndicate Wars – like the small force missions in starcraft – looks ok star hammer tactics – SRPG – maybe greed corp – maybe, primarily multiplayer history egypt – or romance? Supermarket mania – maybe best of these time casual games hello flowerz real time gardening sim romance iv under siege – RTS  Ruse – WWII RTS – cool zoomable map Point and click Secret of Monkey island 1 and 2 (no tales of) – 2d adventure strong bad Machinarium – adventure game another world – cool rotoscoped old game myst Action/adventure Wolverine – looks amazing okabu blood omen soul reaver fly fu pacman dx – fun pac man variant eat them – 3d kaiju destruction – cool Shinobi – ps2 psychonauts demon's souls Entwined – play as 2 things at once flying down tunnel lost planet – no #2, 1 and 3 ok Majin – lead a giant around action – bad voice acting pretty naughty bear – teddy bear manhunt – looks cool fairytail fights – cute/ bloody beatemup – cool de blob 2 – color city, looks very cool Medievil Stardrone – pinball like game – control spaceship indirectly Katamari forever – looks good The Last Guy – weird maze in city game magic carpet pac man ghostly adventures – bad 3d plat Pac man world 25th Floating Runner – very cool big 3d game Grid Runner – cool capture the flag game Machine Hunter – yes! MDK – play it again! Qbert – seems cool Crusader no remorse – cool isometric action game Mini Ninjas – looks fun future cop orc attack – 3d brawler – not good – some cool boss designs Lair – has patch for normal controls Lego Hobbit dead nation age of zombies castle crashers retro cave flyer – like velocity mini game Gravity crash – also like velocity mini game gatling gears – play greed corp first Ico and Shadow HD* Neutopia – zelda clone from back in the day alien crush – old pinball rotastic- weird grappling hook game mystic heroes dynasty warriors esque ps2 game captain america – decent action game DW gundam 3 – crazy long DW stuff  Thor – beat-em up looks cool Firemen 2 – sprite based japan firefighting – looks kinda boring Cursed Crusade – bad looking 3d action Assault rigs – looks cool – drive tanks around quickly, weird graphics and music – looks smooth Irritating Stick – super hard game of maze moving Nanotek Warrior – very cool shooter on circular tubes Steel Reign – tank game with directional shield mechanic. Sounds fun il sturmovik -ww2 flight, nothing special Blazing angels – ww2 flight Hawx – looks ok, has cool 3rd person mode TMNT out of shadows – looks ok Sky dive – squirrell suit simulator – no replay value Driving Fuel – post apocalyptic open world racing driver San Francisco – teleporting split second – over the top racing game, fast and cool full auto – combat racing with cool destructible environments FPS Bioshock Infinite carnivores dinosaur hunter hd - + an ice age mini version sequel alien rage – fps with combos and score – looks cool Jumping Flash – maybe Descent – on disc call of duty – no black ops 2 – try modern warfare Brahma Force – cool fps w/ mech and exploring Hexen – fp stabber – looks cool King's Field – 1 and 2 Fpslashers – dark souls roots, looks cool Turok – cool fps Bioshock Protector trials and challenge rooms Wolfenstein – not new order, just wolfenstein – looks cool jurassic: the hunted – dinosaur fps, looks ok Singularity time travel fps – looks decent Unreal – tourney 3 has single player that is bot matches w/story operation flashpoint red river – methodical fps – red river? Sniper Elite – v2 – same but wwii – better but wwii Condemned 2 – ok 1st person brawler Resistance- 3 sci fi fps's Timeshift – bad fps with time powers Medal of honor warfighter – fps 3-4 hrs – looks ok Cabellas newest – like sniper elite but with animals Painkiller sniper ghost warrior – 2 might be ok if desperate for military fps sniper only Brink - 1st person – best for multiplayer – not good single player Puzzle Vempire – puzzle game voodoo dice – puzzle dice moving, like cube moving game Digitiles – hard math game Auditorium HD enigmo like puzzle game with cool music effects Mad blocker alpha – tetris like with great art Storm – nature puzzler Aqua panic puzzle game I don't understand -which is awesome Cubixx HD – not the mini Deflector – enigmo vibe Intelligent Qube – great – expensive Droplitz – puzzle game Critter crunch puzzle game Lup Salad – block pushing puzzler Angry birds  Germinator/ ms germinator – like bust a move in reverse Super stacker – puzzle stacking 3d twist and match – spin 3d objects – puzzle Chime super deluxe – musical puzzle game Influence – hard puzzle game Mr. Domino – very weird cool puzzle game Circles – puzzle math Runner impossible game – runner one epic game – runner with shooting feisty feet – runner – racing I must run – canabalt with levels that end 3rd Person Shooter the club - 3rd person shooter – run through going fast – looks cool transformers war for  and fall of cybertron Wanted – looks cool, gungrave in slo mo dark void DLC survivor missions Stranglehold – like gungrave Ghostbusters – disc game - 3rd person – looks cool g force - 3rd person shooter/ platformer – looks decent – bad story Fracture - 3rd person – you can lower and raise ground  the bureau – cover shooter Deep Black – underwater sections look cool, rest looks bad splinter cell – try blacklist maybe? ghost recon future soldier – near future 3rd person Fighting Cyberbots – 2d fighter w/robots Kareteka – different fighting RPG Child of Light – flying, rhyming herc's adventures – top down ps1 action rpg – looks great 3d dot heroes labyrinth legends – dungeon crawler Adventure time – boring dugneon hack and slash Dungeon explorer – old action rpg Threads of Fate – looks ok, action rpg Alundra Multiplayer Only Awesomenauts Sportsfriends Ibb and Obb

1000 Tiny Claws Review

   Arr, I be doin' this 'hole review in me best pirate speek!!! Just kidding. It is tempting though.  How do you pronounce this game's title? Is it “One-thousand” Tiny Claws? Or “A Thousand” Tiny Claws? Personally, I've been saying “A Thousand,” but that may just be my South Jersey accent.

     In this game, you play as a sky pirate named Rana. Each level is a small island floating in the sky. You have pulled a cursed sword out of a stone, unleashing a horde of giant insects, and now you must use the sword to defeat the bugs and save the rest of your crew from execution. In order to do that, you must knock 5 waves of bugs off the edge of each island level before they knock you off.

     From an isometric view, you must hit the bugs with your sword toward an edge to knock them off. If they attack you, you get bumped toward the edge. The more something gets hit, be it an enemy or yourself, the further they fly when hit (is this how Smash Brothers works? I've never understood that game). If you get hit just a bit off the edge, you will grab on and have to mash X to pull yourself back up.There are also some cool boss fights that use different mechanics, which I won't discuss too much since they are pretty cool and there are only a handful of them.

     You move with the d-pad, X is swing your sword. Holding down the direction button that corresponds with the way you are facing and mashing X makes you do a stationary combo that finishes with an attack that splashes out to a slightly bigger area than normal (protip- you are invincible during some parts of the animation of this attack). Double tapping a direction makes you run that way, and if you press X while running you will stop and perform a powerful rush attack. When you hit enemies, you build up a sword meter on the side of the screen. If it fills up, you can hold down square to charge up a big attack that kills everything in a 45 degree arc in front of you and a small circle around you. O is block. If you press a direction while blocking, you'll hop around quickly while continuing to block.

     You face many types of bugs, each with unique characteristics. Some are small and try to swarm you at an angle, others are big and shoot fireballs at you. There is one that spawns more basic enemies and one that goes beserk and runs at you when it sees you (and a bunch more unique types). Hitting big bugs a few times usually flips them on their back, where they will stay for a good while. When they are like this, you can hit them across the stage, taking out big swaths of other bugs if they are in the way. There are also crates that drop into the level at set intervals that do the same thing. This makes for cool moments where you can charge right into huge crowds of enemies because you know you are about to flip a big enemy and send it flying through the crowd.

     There are also a few different types of terrain you'll be fighting on. Some places have many obstacles that bugs will bounce off of when hit. Sometimes these obstacles are placed in sections where you would want to hit bugs off the stage, making bugs bounce right back at you rather than leaving. A lot of later levels also feature collapsing terrain that leave holes in the map as the level progresses. The levels get pretty challenging pretty quickly as the game is not afraid to throw very large crowds of bugs at you. You have to concentrate and not make too many mistakes to be successful. There are 25 story mode stages. Each takes just a few minutes to run through, although you will probably need to restart quite a few of them.

     A typical level usually throws a nice mix of enemy types at you. You might be fighting off a big horde of small enemies in one round, then a mix of big and small, then a horde with a few specialists harassing you. For most of the story mode I just used the basic attack, although the post game content will teach you how to use all the other moves efficiently.

     That post-game content includes a challenge mode and a survival mode. Challenge mode features some really cool challenge types, such as a mode where you must kill as many enemies as possible but you start out with very low defense, so you go flying very far if hit, a hyper boss mode, where you fight stronger versions of the game's bosses, and a mode where you must hit enemies through a soccer-like goal. Most of the other challenges are a bit too frustrating to be fun, and even the fun ones have the difficulty cranked up a little too high. I almost gave up several times before finally completing all the challenges. You will learn how to use all of the different attacks and techniques in this mode though as you need to experiment with different strategies to figure out what works best in each challenge. Playing story mode after completing challenge mode is a bit of an eye-opener, as the story mode levels are much easier once you learn more advanced strategies in challenge mode. Survival mode has you facing unlimited bugs until you die. It's fun to play around with for a few minutes, but once I got the in-game trophies related to it, I called it quits.

     Completing these different modes earns you in-game trophies and pages to the ship's log, which is written as a quite funny dialogue between the ship's captain and Rana as they comment on various things about the game. Acutally, about 99% of the game's writing in the short cutscenes, loading screens, and in these unlockable pages is really great and funny.

     Character and sprite design is likewise very well done. The many types of bugs look great, as do the huge bosses and the weird pirates. Like many minis, some of the menus are grainy when played on PS3, but fortunately the actualy levels look good. The music is mostly good. Some of it isn't that memorable. The title screen music is downright grating after the first few times you hear it. Other tracks sound like they are straight out of a Mega Man game which suits the game's action well. The pirate shanty lyrics during the credits are pretty cool too.

      There is something a little off about the game though. It's not quite engaging enough to merit the amount of dedication it takes to beat some of the harder stages. I think there needed to be a few extra moves for your character to do or character progression or some other element to really hold your interest. Instead a lot of levels feel the same as you just mash X to hit bugs. So much in the game is really well done, and my rat's off the developers. But the samey-ness of the levels and the amount of restarts neeeded in these samey levels really drags the experience down. That's why 1000 Tiny Claws is a Mediocre Game, Tier 1.